A couple of weeks back I was asked to provide food for an event. We had 5 people registered the day before, I had a feeling we might get a few people turn up that had not registered and it was for a light dinner.. I took a stab at overcatering to cover 15 and was willing to wear the consequences. We stopped off on the way to the event and picked up the BBQ chickens and I bought one more just in case.. When I got there we had 21 people at the event. To my surprise (seriously!) we had enough food for everyone, nobody went hungry and they had their fill, there was even a little left over. It really was my fishes and loaves experience!
I know that my experience was nothing like what happened with the disciples and Jesus , they fed 5000. I truly have no idea how that happened and there are many theories on that, but I want to think for a moment about those fishes and loaves in the disciples hands, about how each of them had the potential to bring about so much more. Each fish 100’s more, as with the loaves, placed in trusting hands, blessed by God, given away..
I wonder what we have in our hot little hand that we might be hanging onto that Jesus is asking us to hand out. There wasn’t even enough to feed the 12 disciples, and yet they started.. What fish do we look at and think how ridiculous and futile is that, there is no way, 2 fish and 5 loaves are going to even dent the sides of these starving hoards. I wonder, both as a church and individually what these things might be, that we stop from even starting because we don’t believe it can really make a difference.
I think for me this lectionary doodles is a bit like this.. I just doodle what I see when I sit with the text.. Sometimes the drawing feels incredibly lame and my reflections like a luke warm cup of tea. I wonder whether it is useful to anyone and then God sends someone along to remind me that it is not all about me. That I just need to put my fish and loaves in the mix, pray it will be a blessing and give it away. Those leaps of faith are not always easy, some can seem so trivial but when you’re giving up your dinner for the night for the sake of everyone it can make sense to want to totally hang onto it. What about me and my family? What if I put it out there and it is just left in a smelly pile the next day rotting in the sun? It’s funny to say the most extreme isn’t it, cause we know that if nobody needed it the disciples would have just picked it up and eaten it themselves, we all know that nothing is ever wasted when we give it over generously to God.
Jesus didn’t ask them to do the equations, or source the supplier, he just asked them to use what they had to make a difference and somehow it works. So I pray this week that you will be brave and courageous to hand over those fishes and loaves with amazing potential and see what God will do.. What is the worst that can happen? You’ve got dinner already sorted for tonight! Nothing is every wasted with God. What’s your fishes and loaves?